Keto Experiment … And so it Ends

Fourteen days of keto have passed, and I celebrated being done yesterday night by having some M&Ms at the movies. And you know what: All the carbs were SO worth it.

It was an interesting way to eat for a while, but I would not want to do this indefinitely. I admire people who can do this for months on end, but it’s just not for me. It requires a great amount of planning, especially if you are also watching calories (and I only eat about 1250 per day, so there’s little margin for error). It got better in the second week when I got used to it, but still, I miss my tomatoes, yogurt, berries, mangos, papayas, pineapples. And yes, I miss bread, pasta, pizza and disgustingly sweet frappucinos.

I have learned though that my body is happier if I restrict carbs a little. So now that I am going back to eating normal, I will try to stay below 60 grams of carbs each day and see how that works. I loved how calm my stomach was during the past two weeks. No bloating, no cramps. That was definitely a big plus.

Scale-wise I dropped from 129.6 to 124.8 pounds (62 pounds lost, 9 to go). With eating more carbs comes a little water weight (1 gram of carbs stores between 3 and 4 grams of water), but even so, I think that it was worth it. From experience I never “gain” more than two pounds of water weight, so I think I lost two real pounds in two weeks. Not to shabby.

I know now that I can get my body into ketosis relatively quickly, so I may do that for a few days every now and then, especially if I feel fat and need some motivation (and see a lower number on the scale).

I am off to the airport in a few hours to pick up the person that made these two weeks possible (by being out of the country and not tempting me with dining out :P), and I will happily greet him with a coffee in my hand. Although … maybe I’ll stick with the skinny mocha with whole milk for a while. It’s tasty and only has 11 grams of net carbs 😉

P.S.: Don’t ever try Paleo Bread, ever … trust me.

 

 

Day 11 … Or … Down The Rabbit Hole

So, today I messed up. Somebody brought chocolate to work, and I really really only wanted one of the small pieces. Ended up having six. Which was not so bad, all things considered, because even with that I was still just below 20 grams of carbs.

Unfortunately it didn’t stop there. Came home, made dinner, and afterwards had some more chocolate. Not huge amounts, but enough to get me well over my carb limit. And while it will just be interesting to see how long it takes my body to get back into ketosis, this was one of the moments when my younger me clawed her way out of the corner of my mind and started to remind me about the temptation, about how easy it was to eat whatever I wanted just to get rid of it afterwards again in the bathroom.

This, you see, is where my thoughts start to tumble down the rabbit hole. I remember the temptation of giving in and feeling better and more in control afterwards. The question is though: Is “throwing up on command” being in control, or is “resisting the temptation to do so being” in control?

I think my younger, bulimic self would have chosen the first option. But while I’m still pissed at myself, my older (and hopefully a little wiser) me knows that it takes far more willpower to not give in.

So, the next time you feel that you messed up, be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up. After all, we have to make mistakes to learn and grow, even though that’s hard to take sometimes.

Day 6 – 9 … Or … Snowed in

Most notably during the last four days: We had snow. Lots, and lots of snow. On Friday, it started snowing heavily around 2:00 pm, and by eight that night there was already a good amount of snow of the ground. Woke up on Saturday to the picture below.

Since I had lots of time on my hands, I read through a bunch of blog posts. The first few sentences in one particular post, on a blog called Beauty Beyond Bones, made me think about why I decided to embark on these two weeks of keto. Despite the fact that it’s touted as great weight loss diet, I didn’t (and still don’t) expect to lose a whole lot. Yes, the scale weight went down from 129.8 lbs to 125.3 lbs since Jan 16, but I know that some, if not most, of it is water weight and will creep back once I start eating carbs again. Still, the number is still a nice motivation.

The reason why I am putting myself through this (which is how my friend Ros describes it) is because I want to prove to myself that I can. There’s so little in life we have control over, but my body is something that I, and I alone, control. I wanted to prove to myself that I have the willpower to overcome cravings for chocolate, Starbucks coffees, bread. Pretty much everything I really like.

Sounds silly/ridiculous/stupid?

Maybe it is. But to me, it’s important. I didn’t have control over my ex divorcing me. I didn’t have control over my feelings while trying to heal, and over the self-destructive things I did. That’s not something I am proud of. I still won’t be able to control the actions of people I love, but then again I am not trying to. But I will be able to control how I react to situations, how I get through them.

So, while being on a two-week diet is a far cry from trying to pick up the pieces of the past, it’s still part of my life. To me, getting through this is an accomplishment. So whatever small things you embark on, be proud when you emerge victorious, and don’t let anyone discredit what you did.